Sleeping Sickness

Dear Jon -

It's 1 AM. I would say I never sleep anymore, but after an exhausting day at work, I got home around 7 and slept until 10. At least you got out of running the groups for the kids.

Someone in my cohort told me during my first year that it's alright to be a wounded healer, as long as you're not bleeding all over the place. Right now, I feel as if I'm spurting blood everywhere I go. I told a few members of our clinical team that I'm getting divorced and I'm going deaf today. I'm glad that I did; it's a relief and they are supportive. However, I really feel like I'm on the edge of being contained. I feel terrible for my clients, but luckily I don't have too many right now. I'm just going to try to coast out the rest of the summer and relax and take care of myself.

I've spent the last 45 minutes picking out and outfit and pressing my suit for tomorrow. I'm going to next year's practicum site for them to take my fingerprints and do my background check. That will be very exciting and fun.

I'm also going to turn in my divorce paperwork tomorrow, as I have to pass through the town with the courthouse on my way to the town where my site is. That is going to be much less fun. I should reward myself with booze, and I probably will.

Today as we were smoking, I really wanted to reach out and just grab you and cry. It was almost as if I were drowning and you were some sort of lifeline for me. I know that you're in no position to be anyone's lifeline, and so, somehow, I restrained myself. You sounded wounded in some way when you said you would see me again soon as we parted.

I hope you do take me up on dinner. Maybe tomorrow? That would be a relief, to have someone to commiserate with over the divorce process. And, of course, I'd love to see you.

You were so handsome today in your jeans that are too tight and your polo over a t-shirt, in muted indie colors. Something about your package today was immodest. Or perhaps I'm projecting. I have such a difficult time viewing you sexually, and honestly I haven't been very interested in sex for the past few months. But every once in a while, like catching a glimpse of the curve of your inseam, I get the tinglies. I wonder if I ever give you the tinglies.

- M.