Should have done better than this

Dear Jon -

I saw you today only briefly. It was after group and you were busy chatting it up with your group co-leader. I wanted to ask you to dinner, but I didn't want to do it in front of him and I couldn't quite navigate the awkwardness of waiting for your conversation with him to be over, so I left. I'm going into the office tomorrow. Maybe I'll see you. If I don't, maybe I'll txt you and invite you to dinner on Sunday.

My ex has utterly enamored of me. We've been friends, you know, throughout the marriage and most certainly after my husband left. He's been helping me take care of our sick friend. But he's now planning some sort of vacation for us in July. I'm afraid he's trying to rush us back into a relationship together, and I'm not even divorced yet. The worst part is, I think I brought this on myself. I've been terribly lonely, and in my loneliness I txted him all the time and wanted to spend time with him. Now that I've gotten to the point where the loneliness doesn't bother me too much, I'm unhappy with his constant txting me and wanting to see me. It's probably been cruel on my part in some way, and I need to figure out how to make amends.

I want to single for a while, I think. I want to be free. I want to wear dresses and try to be myself and relax.

Am I incapable of love? I hope not.

Carolina Liar lyrics:

Save me, I'm lost
Wait, I'm wrong
I can do better than this
Show me what I'm looking for

I really wanted to talk to you today.

-M.