"Anna begins to change my mind..." (please)

Dear Jon -

I got the position for next year. Thank God. I opened my phone to txt you about my good fortune and found a txt I must have sent after returning home on our late night. It said simply, "I love you, too." God, how embarrassing. I don't even remember sending it, though I do remember thinking you said that you love me just before I left.

Ah, love. I do love you, Jon. I love you because you are human and beautiful and real. My love for you is also very different than my love for my husband. I won't make the romantic / platonic love distinction, because I think that is not sophisticated enough a distinction. I love you as a person, as a child of God, as something else as well...

Anna Begins / Counting Crows lyrics:

It does not bother me to say this isn't love.
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love.
And I guess I'm gonna have to live with that.
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey,
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name
If that's what you mean...

You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself
To make yourself forget. To make yourself forget. I am not worried.
"If it's love," she said, "then we're gonna have to think about the consequences."
But she can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her and...

And Anna begins to change her mind.
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days," she says.
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing.

But I'm not gonna break and I'm not gonna worry about it anymore.
I'm not gonna bend, and I'm not gonna break. And I'm not going to worry about it anymore.
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love..."
But it's not all that easy...

I start to think about the consequences,
And I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...

And Anna begins to change my mind.
And everytime she sneezes I believe it's love and,
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing.

How do I begin to tell our story? I've been thinking seriously about some sort of art project, like a YouTube video mini-series or a novella or something to get the story out. It would be letters and poetry that the two characters write to each other, but never deliver. It would recount the same events from both of their perspectives. And in my head, in the story that I want to tell, they are both longing for each other; he has his reasons for not returning her advances.

And how does the story end? The work side by side, pining after one another, longing, for an entire year of work, and then they leave? They simply lay the mantle down and move on? You see, in the story I want to tell, I think he cares too much to just go away.

What will you do, Jon, when the year is up?

I did txt you about my placement for next year, and you congratulated me. Thank you for being happy for me.

- M.