Anything

Dear Jon -

I thought we would see each other yesterday, but we didn't. You cleaned house and worked on your friend's motorcycle instead.

I feel very angry with you today. I feel angry because I don't want to beg you to see me every time we get together. I don't want to pussyfoot around you, like Gabe thinks I should. I want to move forward. What is it going to take?

Dramarama:

OK what is it tonight?
please just tell me what the hell is wrong,
Do you want to eat, do you want to sleep, do you want to drown?
Just settle down, settle down, settle down...

I'm so sick of you tonight,
Is something wrong with me, something wrong with you?
I really wish I knew, wish I knew, wish I knew...

I was young I learned a game,
that love and happiness were the same,
And now I'm older and I don't play,
I found out the hardest way

I even let you hear the songs I want to sing,
I'll give you anything, anything, anything...

Anything...

Your friend came in from out of town today. You're going with her to Canada to visit her family. The other night after you gave me a ride home from the hospital you had a "friend" at your house playing videogames, waiting for you.

If, after all of this time you've told me you aren't ready for a relationship, blah blah, you're actually dating other people, I'm going to be so upset. I'm so angry and frustrated with you. You're so emo and self-absorbed. You take all of your feelings and energy and creativity and life force and turn it inward on yourself. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get you out of this funk.

I think I'm entering the phase where I rebel against my feelings for you and rail against seeing you or anything to do with you. I've gone through it before, I'll go through it again.

I asked you if you know how I feel about you, like Gabe suggested, and you said, "I think I do." Please realize that I've been waiting for you for a year. I even got married in the middle. Don't make me wait forever.

-M.